


You're Quite Stupid

by LoonyBadger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Hurt Remus Lupin, Lily is a good friend, M/M, Misunderstandings, Other, Protect the Books, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:22:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27460405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoonyBadger/pseuds/LoonyBadger
Summary: 'I can’t believe that I allowed myself to be so blinded by him by the idea of being boyfriends. I thought maybe it would be better to have been loved and lose it, but I was wrong.'
Relationships: Remus Lupin & James Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	You're Quite Stupid

Slowly, stiffly, and carefully I made my way up to my dorm. The full moon had only been two days ago, so my muscles were still very tender and very sore. Thankfully, Professor McGonagall had switched the Prefect’s shifts this week to cover for the detention Lily had gotten. Something about how ‘threatening bodily harm to another student’ was still frowned upon, even if they are as annoying as one James Potter. I do have to say, however, that Lily truly is getting more creative with her threats.

I haven’t told anyone else about the shift in schedule because then the others would want me to partake in whatever it is they do when I’m walking the halls, and all I really wanted to do was take this time to read two more sentences in my book before falling asleep until breakfast tomorrow.

I froze outside the door when I heard James and Sirius talking about something on the other side. Normally, I wouldn’t eavesdrop, but it’s really hard not to when I have enhanced hearing and when my boyfriend says something so _ ominous. _

“I have to do it, James, just break the news to him. No matter if it hurts him or not. I just can't keep doing this.”

“I don’t know, mate, maybe it would be better to just keep pretending for a bit longer,” James suggested.

“You think I should just keep lying?” Sirius asked incredulously. Sirius has always hated lying. 

“It’s not lying...just-”

“Just what James?” Sirius interrupted. 

“Look Sirius, you're going to break his heart,” James stated firmly. 

“That’s if he even  _ has _ a heart,” Sirius replied snottily, causing me to gasp. I quickly turned and ran down the steps, trying to fight back tears. 

Sirius, James, and Peter joined me in their animagus forms for the first time this full moon, and obviously, it was too much for Sirius. I knew I should have fought against them joining harder. After all, I knew this would happen; that Sirius would realize I wasn’t good enough for him, and that dating me was a bad idea. He would realise that I was a Monster, and nothing more. 

I can’t believe that I allowed myself to be so blinded by him by the idea of being boyfriends. I thought maybe it would be better to have been loved and lose it, but I was wrong. This hurts so much more than I could have ever imagined. I’d rather I was never aware of just how amazing it was to have Sirius’ hand in mine; how wonderful it was to cuddle with him by the fire in the common room, when everyone else was asleep, or how special I felt when his soft lips pressed against mine. To hear his wonderful voice saying that it didn’t matter that I was a werewolf, that he still wanted to date me. Having all of that, only for it to be taken away callously as the truth could no longer be ignored, was worse than anything I’ve ever experienced before. 

The next time I looked around I was on the school grounds; quickly, I hid behind a tree, casting a disillusion charm over myself before running to the willow. I didn’t want anyone to see how to get past the willow, and to my shack. I hated it there, but it's where I belonged, a place fit for Monsters. 

Tears were streaming down my face as I crawled through the tunnel, upturning dirt in my desperate scramble. Eventually, I found myself in the worn-down shack; my dried blood was all over the floor, all over the walls, and there was even a little on the ceiling. The smell was putrid and burned my over-sensitive nose, just like it always did. I tossed my bag to the side before punching the wall with a scream. I wished more than ever that I’d just died when Greyback bit me, or that my father could have convinced my mum to get me put down after I was turned.

I didn’t stop pummelling the wall until my lungs felt like they might collapse. I turned around and sagged against the abused wall. The pain raged on inside me as I fought to get my breathing under control. 

Eventually, I looked up, coming face to face with a hideous sight. Across the room staring back at me was my own horrid, scarred, disgusting face. The face of a Monster. The face of a killing beast fit only for an unmarked grave. I marched over, back straight, tears still falling. Rapidly, my face grew bigger and bigger and bigger until it was right in front of me. Right in front of the Monster haughtily looking over me. Haunting me. With another blood-curdling scream, I bashed the mirror; the sound of breaking glass was music to my ears.

Over and over again I strike the mirror. Pieces of glass were ground into dust by my fist; blood flowing from wounds. Eventually, there was nothing to look at except an empty frame. A hollow shell-just like me. The floor was littered with blood, speckled shards of glass, and my shoulders shook with the force of my sobs as I leaned my forehead where the mirror once was. 

The sound of birds chirping made me look up; I had stopped crying ages ago. Perhaps I should have been surprised to see the early morning sunlight filling the room from the open window; however, I couldn’t feel anything, not even the chilly night air, apparently. 

Slowly, I moved over to where my bag sat forgotten and started the crawl back to the castle. I walked, unseeing, through the empty halls of Hogwarts. Most kids would be in the Great Hall eating breakfast, so I was undetected as I went to the Prefect bathroom to take a quick shower. I wouldn’t be able to change my clothes, but I could put a freshening charm on them. As I showered I decided I wouldn’t sit with the guys in any of my classes, or at lunch. I didn’t want to have to try and keep calm in front of everyone when Sirius broke up with me. I’d rather it be in our dorm, so I can just close my curtains afterward and pretend to sleep. With only a few minutes until classes start I left the bathroom.

As I walked out I saw Sirius, James, and Peter emerging from a secret passageway, map in hand, I should have known they would be watching for me since I didn’t come back to the dorm last night. I ran in the opposite direction of them, picking the best short cuts so I could still make it to class on time.

“MOONY!” Sirius called after me before three thunderous sets of footsteps began the chase. Fortunately, I was the quickest due to my own curse. By the time they had caught up to me I was seated next to Lily, the only other seats were on the other side of the room. They started towards me once they burst into the classroom, disheveled and panting, but before they could make it halfway to me, Professor Flitwick intercepted them by starting class.

“Alright everyone, settle down and pull out your worksheets from last class,” He droned on, but I could hardly pay attention. The other Marauders kept sending me notes, which I pointedly ignored. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Lily asked with a smirk. I turned tired eyes to her.

“Please don’t. I don't want to talk to them and I’m not in the mood to be egged on either,” I whispered. Lily turned to me, shock all over her face as she took in mine. Then determination settled over her. 

“Don’t worry Remus, I’ll help you avoid them. How long are you doing this for?” She asked as she wrote something down. 

“Just until tonight, then they might be ignoring me,” She frowned deeply but nodded without any more questions. She truly is Merlin sent. My day was filled with Lily pulling me through the crowds and dodging questions from my old friends. Let’s face it, if Sirius was done with me, wouldn’t they all be as well? I don’t want people to hang out with me out of pity the way James was implying Sirius should. 

“What did we do Remus?” Peter cried. ‘ _ Nothing _ ’ I wanted to reply as I was tugged into Transfigurations.

“Could you just stop for  _ one measly moment Remus!” _ Sirius hollered.  _ ‘I can’t’  _ pressed itself against my lips, begging to be heard as Lily pulled me down corridor after corridor.

“Would you just TALK to us!” James yelled desperately. ‘ _ No, it would hurt too much, James. _ ’ I thought as Lily slammed the door to an empty classroom close; the two of us opted not to eat lunch so we didn’t have to go to the Great Hall. Instead, we sat against the door, and she cast a silencing charm around the room so we didn't have to listen to them yelling anymore. Neither of us commented when we opened the door to find a bunch of fruit, cheese, and rolls wrapped in two napkins on the floor. We just grabbed them and made our way to our next class, eating what was brought in the second half of lunch on the floor outside the D.A.D.A. classroom. 

“Please, just let us help Remus. Please!” Sirius begged. ‘ _ There’s nothing to help with Sirius, I’ll fix this tonight and we can move on. _ ’ I thought as Lily pulled me into Potions, our last class of the day. 

“Are you going to be ok?” Lily asked with only five minutes left in class. I could feel the eyes of Sirius, James, and Peter burning into my back. I nodded which caused her to narrow her eyes at me. I sighed giving in just a little.

“I’m going to sprint to our dorm room and clear everything up. I just didn't want to do this around everyone else.”

“Why didn’t you do it last night or this morning then?” She asked, without any heat in her voice. I bit the inside of my cheek knowing she wouldn’t like what I was about to say.

“Well, that would have required me to be in the dorm last night or this morning,” Her eyes widened.

“REMUS LUPIN!” She yelled, just as the bell rang. I grabbed my bag and ran before she could say anything else. I just didn’t have the energy for this right now. I could hear three sets of running feet following, which was good. That means it was almost over and we could all move on. The Marauders would be three and I would be able to relearn solitude. It’s not a bad thing. I would have had to do this once we graduated anyway. Who would be friends with a Monster in the real world? When everyone would know what I was and treated me accordingly. As I began the climb to our dorm I heard shouting behind me.

“Fucking throw your books at the doorway so he can’t close the door!” James bellowed, slightly breathless.

“I’m not going to close the door!” I yelled back, “Don’t throw your books! You’ll damage them!” 

“Then stop running,” Peter moaned as the three reached the stairs, “He’s still running,” Peter sounded like he might cry as the three began the ascent to our dorm.

“We’re having the conversation in our dorm with the door closed!” I shouted over my shoulder before opening our door. Quickly I moved to my bed and sat down. It took the others another minute to get up the stairs. They promptly collapsed on the floor; although, to be fair, the run from the dungeons to Gryffindor tower is nothing to scoff at.

“What the fuck, Moony?” Sirius spoke, taking a breath between each word.

“Close the door,” I replied and James gave me a ‘you-have-to-be-kidding-me’ look before slamming the door closed.

“What the fuck, Moony?” Sirius repeated. I took a deep breath.

“Yes, well... Sorry about the chase but-”

“Where have you been all night?” Sirius asked, now able to talk without pausing for a breath.

“I swear on Merlin’s Soggy. Rusted. Dodgy underpants if your impatience makes Remus stop talking I’m going to prank you so hard your hair will be multi-colored for a month Padfoot. A. Month.” James replied before I could.

“Oh, I was in the shack. I needed to do some thinking,” I said while looking at my fingers. I figured it would be best not to comment on what James said.

“Funny thing about thinking,” Peter started, “is you can do it anywhere Moony; including your bed.” I shrugged.

“Anyway, I’d been thinking and I get it, you know, it was a lot and I don’t think we should really hang out anymore and uh, Sirius, you don't have to say anything. I get that it's not working out and all. So, that’s that and I’m just going to go to sleep now alright," I said without looking at them. Then I pulled my feet up and scooted back on my bed before closing my curtains. 

There was silence for a few seconds. 

“What the FUCK!” James yelled, bewildered.

"The FUCK was THAT!” Peter echoed.

“It’s DEFINITELY not a BLEEDING EXPLANATION!” James screeched.

“Guys,” Sirius said calmly, anger lacing his words. “I think I need a moment alone with Remus, so get out,” I closed my eyes, not wanting to talk anymore. What else was there to say really? My hands moved to my face, rubbing up and down. After a minute, I heard them getting to their feet; James and Peter muttering, upset, as they shut the door behind them and started the descent. My curtain was pulled back and the bed dipped as a Sirius-sized weight sat down on the bed.

“I have literally so many questions right now that I think my head might actually explode,” Sirius started, “This time, when you answer them, I need you to try your hardest to actually make sense, ok?” I just nodded, hands still covering my face, “Alright, I’ll start at the beginning; What was ‘a lot?’”

“The transformation,” I muttered, “My transformation.”

“Ok, yes it was but we kinda figured that going into it and I think we did pretty well with it. Now, why shouldn't we all hang out anymore?”

“Cause you guys saw me for what I really am; a raving, monstrous, blood-thirsty beast,” I replied in a deadened voice. Might as well get it all out there, since we're doing this.

“Remus. We have been over this multiple times. You are 6’5 of pure unadulterated cuteness, and I’m talking teddy bear level, fluffy, cuddly awesomeness. I for one, along with James and Peter, refuse to be scared of that,” Sirius stated very matter of factly. I moved a hand to look one eye at him, merely so he could see that I was glaring at him. Not believing it for a second. Then I moved my hand back over my face. 

Sirius sighed softly, “Alright, so we’ll come back to that one. Which is not me giving up on this conversation, by the way, it is merely me getting to the last question. It’s a very important question,” Sirius said, the last sentence sounding so sad. I turned my head and moved my hands to look him in the face, regardless of the fact that I really didn’t want to. Despite how hurt I am and the fact that I’m just a Monster I still really care about Sirius. I don't want him to be sad, even if he doesn’t care about me anymore. 

“Why would you say that we aren’t working out?” He asked voice barely above a whisper, and if I didn't know any better I would almost swear there were tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. I sighed trying to gather the energy to have this conversation.

“I heard you and James talking yesterday Sirius. It’s ok, I understand,” Sirius’ brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Well I still don’t, what are you talking about?” he asked, voice louder now. I narrowed my eyes at him. 

“Don’t play dumb Sirius, it doesn’t suit you,” His head quirked to the side a little as his lips pursed in slight anger at the dig, “Yesterday after classes, while I was supposed to be on Prefect duty, McGonagall had to rearrange the schedule because of Lily’s detention, I was going up to the dorm to read and go to sleep when I heard you guys...” Sirius went back to looking confused. I rolled my eyes and sat up so I could lean on the headboard of my bed and wrap my arms around my legs, “You know, about breaking the news to me, lying to me, and breaking my heart or whatever. If I even have one to break,” Sirius’ eyes widened in understanding as his mouth dropped open, “Yeah, so you don’t have to pretend or whatever, I get it. It’s one thing to hear someone is a Monster it's another to se-” Sirius put his hand over my mouth roughly. He didn’t say anything, just sat there with his face going through multiple emotions all at once. Like he was trying to decide how to respond. Which is silly since I’m giving him an out here and he should be happy. 

“You know Remus-” He finally started, “For someone so smart, you’re quite stupid.” My eyes widened. 

“Excuse me?” I asked, or rather tried to, but Sirius still hadn’t moved his hand.

“No. Shut up and listen,” Sirius snapped, “Firstly, rude. Don’t eavesdrop, _ it doesn’t suit you, _ ” He sneered the last part, which alright I deserved that one, “Secondly, why the bloody hell didn’t you come in or at least TRY and talk to me about what was being said? Instead of just making assumptions and then burying yourself in your own self destruc-” I pulled away from his hand finally feeling mad.

“Oh, come off your high horse!”

“No, You are projec-”

“I’m not projecting anything! Yo-”

“No! You are! You always do this to me and everyone aroun-”

“You always say that but that’s not tr-”

“IT IS TRUE!”

“NO, IT’S NOT! YOUR JUST MAD THAT YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME TO FUCK OFF YOURSE-”

“I WAS TALKING ABOUT REGULUS!” Sirius screamed, red in the face from our arguing and talking over each other. I blinked as we both tried to catch our breath.

“What?” I finally asked completely confused at this point. 

“I was talking about Regulus to James. I was  _ going _ to tell him that I was dating  _ you _ . Because I didn’t want to be  _ lying _ to him about the fact that I was gay anymore. Merlin, Remus. A little faith here,  _ please _ ,” I blinked a couple times thinking back on the conversation as Sirius roughly dragged his hand through his hair. “FUCK!” He yelled, causing me to wince. 

“Oh.” I said softly.

“Yeah, oh,” Sirius said nodding his head, “I wanted Reg to know because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my bleeding life with you," He looked at me, eyes full of frustrated honesty. I scratched the back of my neck, blushing slightly. 

“I, uh, I love you too,” I whispered, looking down at the bedding. I twiddled a loose thread, feeling tears well up in my eyes. One blink and they started falling, fuck.

“Oh, Moony…” Sirius said softly before pulling me into his arms and rubbing a hand up and down my back, “I would never say something like that about you. I’m so sorry you’ve been thinking like this since yesterday. I wish you would have talked to me, love.”

“I know,” I whispered, my voice rough from the tears. “’m sorry,” I clutched his shirt, burying my head as far into his chest as I could before I started to sob.

“I’ve got you, love. I’ll never leave you,” Then he kissed the top of my head. 


End file.
